life is a never ending roller coaster going back and forth between happiness and misery. Once you catch a hold of smile, grab it and hide it deep inside your heart, it will never come back. The slope is deceitful and mischievous hands may throw you over the edge. So, fasten your seat belt and dive in. The next station: some bitter-sweet candy store where you can taste ecstasy, or ... sorrow.
We have been wearing these perfect masks for such a long time that we forgot ourselves into the carnival of faith. This charade trapped us inside and robbed our innocence; in return we got the daily uncertainty of thoughts. Will we ever be strong enough to step on our hearts, steady enough to face any hollow disappointment? In the maelstrom of snow flakes, our childish hopes are carried away frantically. Only whispers torn apart from joyful memories are spinning our heads. Lost in the evanescent present, I am bargaining for the sweet flavour of poison.
When you get lost in your wonderland of dreams, when you talk only to the leprecons in your head, when you taste only honey, although everything around you is bitter, when you smile back to your silly thoughts, when you walk hand in hand with your light spirit, when your mind flies to future desires, when you smoke out memories, when you hear the laughter of happy shared moments, when you stretch your arms to reach mine, when you close your eyes to open mine, I know you finally understood my world so that we could live our own fairy tale.
prepare your smile after a heavy rain and spread your arms to let in the warmth of light, find the pure path back to your innocence, hear the rhythm of your beating heart, don’t share your tears with the wind, don’t envy the young lovers walking by, don’t chase lost hopes, don’t hide your beautiful face from strangers, just follow your wishes and shout your right to love
While you slip your hand under the softness of fresh snow, throw your gray clothes made of worries into the blizzard from outside, dress up only with the smile of the beloved ones, offer a part of your orange shaped soul to the dearest one, let yourself wrapped in warm blanket of cinnamon smell and taste the sugar of shared feelings, indulge yourself with the most flavoured raspberry cupcake of peace and follow closely the ginger bread little man looking for the magic wine of joy J
Me: lost in the maelstrom of thoughts, shivering in the blizzard of uncertainty, fighting dragons that threaten my horizon every day, counting the dead leaves found on my path to know how many delusions spread in the night, listening the butterflies in my stomach, crushing the mischievous worm of suspicion that crawls into my heart, extincting bugs scattered through my mind, mixing colours in the cocktail of feelings, holding my dreams close to my soul, afraid one day they will catch wings and leave me empty, asking my hopes whether they are going to shine one day, cherish whatever wind might bring, screaming my despair from time to time to a deaf audience.
You: question mark shaped humanly, mystery wrapped in sweet guilt, cosine and sine, a phase shift between us, just as different as the way our shirts button up.
Cut your ropes that tied you down to the pragmatic present. Heal your wounds and push the play button of the desired life. Throw away your anger, free your mind from black heavy thoughts, keep only those memories of mornings wrapped in coffee flavour. Set your dreams on fast forward and your heart on power saver because there is a long journey ahead. Never take a second turn to the wicked present, follow the invisible arrows of your own path and step into the light of a bright beginning. The world is neither good nor evil, but it is simply the way you plan it.
Cutting blocks of cold air through the velvet black night. Running from puddles of mud as from deformed frightening dragons. Fighting the gray wind which rolls around my hair. Avoiding the violence of million blades pouring from rain. Hiding my face from dark shadows of intrusive strangers on the sidewalk. Counting my heart beats to see how many bridges I have to cross to get to you. Ignoring the evil voices from my head screaming to crawl back. Keeping my eyes wide open to picture the only thought left – the thought of a pure white morning when I know you will be waiting for me home.
Once I tried to reflect myself into your eyes, silly me, I thought I could belong there. Once I reached for your hand thinking I could keep you forever, but wind proved me wrong and carried us apart. That was the time when I also tangled the sound of your foot step with the rain drops on my window sill. Then I followed the crumbled stone ways of your thoughts just to discover I was lost in you. Now I mingle with your blood rushing through veins as you are the unbreakable seal on my heart.
Reaching to you when the sun is rolling down in the sea, stretching my hand and touching your thought… Keeping my eyes wide open within my heart, afraid I could miss one blink of yours. Bargain for your scent, trying to bribe the wind to get me closer to you. Holding my breath, so maybe I could hear your whisper in the roar of waves. Don’t you know we cherish the same side of this revolving sun?
Worms running down your hand, reaching into your flesh, cockroaches threading on your feet, spiders climbing along your spine. Vermin digging into your worn out brain. An agonizing pain and a ripped heart thrown aside to you… Mumbling some mute sounds with burnt lips, trying to see the daylight through swollen eyelids. Trembling with fear for the next movement that could tear you into pieces, scatter your last breath to dust, because we are both made of dust and to dust we return each time when we fall apart from each other. Why can’t we dream forever?
Just like a seed you crush between your finger tips, the volatile emotions are taking away second after second. If you could change the tide, what thoughts would you like to be carried back to nowhere? I was just starting to look for you that the next moment, I found another me sealed into your heart. Can you still put the finger on the difference between me and you when we are together, caressed by nighttime breeze? Can you tell me where the end of this walking through dim light of hope is? Can you hold my hand in the darkness of night when monsters are stalking my dreams?
Rising hopes on waves’ slopes, collecting foam from your dreams, swing along the sea with your ignorant heart, fall into never known land, taste the salt on your lips and make another golden wish. Learn the beat of your soul, mumble your favorite song, gather around you the persons you love. Rethink, repeat from step one.
Moving from one feeling box to another, you can only think how to capture better the sensation you had during that highlight. Performing a surgery on your heart without taking an anesthetic before, it can lead to deep serious depression. To avoid the side effects, we strongly recommend the proximity of a caring lovely person who can relief the stress you have been dealing with lately. We do not take responsibility for scattered strange situation as falling in love or growing attached. We do advise, though, lack of consciousness and purchasing a big pair of scissors to make sure there are no strings attached. In case of emergency, please, contact an ex- boyfriend/ girlfriend who can provide necessary comforting services. By all means, if the symptoms persist, reconsider carefully your behavior and take immediate actions as ceasing offering your heart to deceitful persons.
Once you have tasted from the sweet nectar of happiness, you could never wipe the savour out of your body. The more you get, the more difficult it is to give up, it becomes the perfect drug, and you are being transformed into the humble irrational junkie. To perform the act of dependence, it takes only your ignorance and flying spirit. Whenever you will not receive your small ration, you will fall into deep blackouts. For the outsiders you will just be seen as a regular human carrying along a mediocre existence, touched by common depression moments. It is only you who can make the difference between your own rapture and never ending fight of how to get to this state of mind. But you are conscious of the turning over power of this ecstasy, just like you are aware of the magic inside a glass of frappé on a burning summer day J
You are: building hopes on fluffy dreams spread around by first rays of morning sunlight, selling your purity for the illusion of sunshine on our street, following your heart to defeat the cruel reality of daily existence, leading your spirit to scheme the whims of faith, avoiding sorrow for faking happiness, gambling your spirit to stumble upon wisdom. All of them only to race with your fastest thought. Until when? Until you stop for a moment to gaze at me who I was sheltering the same thought.
Naked is the most appropriate way to show my growing feelings for you. Naked so you could see how my trembling skin is screaming for your touch. Naked so my pores could release the fire that is running through my veins. Naked so you would follow my scent and desire more and more. Naked so you could run your hand through my hair and ask yourself for my flavour. Naked so you could match the colour of my eyes with the colour of my soul. Naked so you could picture your dreams on the map of my bones. Naked so we could find together a breath of redemption.